The Myth of Perfection: If You Want to Live, You Have to Grow

[display_podcast] 

Before last January, I haven’t run more than about 12 feet since I was about 12 years old.  Running is a hard thing to do for me- you have to sweat for one.  Of course, I don’t sweat, rather I glow.  My glowing is really wet and stinky though. 

An artist’s rendition of me sweating…

I have always been a big fan of walking though, and one day after Thanksgiving I ended up walking about 12 miles, for no other reason than I had enough time off to walk 12 miles.  Having done that, a friend of mine told me that I should learn how to run, and train for the Columbus half marathon in April of last year.

PREPOSTEROUS I thought.  Me?  A Runner?  I have a hard enough time walking without falling off of the sidewalk, let alone trying to do that quickly, in a city, surrounded by 10,000 strangers.  I scoffed at the idea, but eventually acquiessed, and began to train for the marathon.

Falling off of the sidewalk

I started by walking fast, then faster, and even ran about 13 feet, a personal record set for me in Mrs. Thomas’ 5th grade gym class, not to be broken until I was nearly 30 years old.  Eventually, that 13 feet turned into a mile, which turned into 2,3,4, and toward the end of my training 12 miles!  I couldn’t believe it!  Every week I would just add a mile to what I had done the week before, so it wasn’t so tedious and mentally challenging which is really what turned me off of running in the first place.

The day of the big race came, and I was psyched!  It was cold and rainy that day, but I was determined to combat the elements and run a good race.  As we began, I ran at an even pace, because I knew that the race was long.  One foot in front of the other.  Sure there was a little tightness in my hamstrings, but I was able to persevere!

I ran the 10k portion of the 13.2 mile race, which works out to roughly half of a half marathon, in about an hour and six minutes- not too shabby for a guy running his first marathon.  Then it happened.

My hamstrings locked up in the 7th mile… and I had to walk.  I was so disappointed in myself!  I had done all this training for months and months, and I had to walk!!!!  So I walked the 7th mile, waiting for my hamstrings to loosen up.

After a little while, I began to jog again, and even pick up a little speed, so that I finished in just under 2 and a half hours.  I was so upset at myself.  I was so upset that I didn’t run the perfect race.  I couldn’t see the fact that I had just traveled, by foot, 13 miles.  I don’t even like to drive 13 miles!  I couldn’t see that I had gone from walking to running in a matter of months.  I couldn’t see the other 12 miles that I had run- just that one stinkin’ mile that I had to walk.  3 months of training destroyed by one mile.

Anyone else hear the Superman Theme when they look at this?

We can all be like that I think.  A lot of us anyway.  American culture both chases and loathes perfection.  For some reason the culture has come to expect perfection in its people- if you aren’t perfect, then you aren’t wanted.  So we are told that we need to be perfect.  On the other hand, we love it when so- called celebrities, or polititians fall flat on their face and fail- maybe because it makes us feel a little better about our own imperfections.  I dunno, maybe it is just me who is a perfectionist.

Perfection in this life is simply impossibile!  At least with a definition of perfection that is common and popular- that is a person with no physical or emotional flaws- a person without any character defects.  No one like that exists- not even Oprah or Dr. Phil!

But “perfection” in another sense is possible.  Trees are perfect in a sense- trees are perfect insofar as they are constantly growing.  If a tree stops growing, it is one step away from dying, or it is already dead.  Trees are perfect as long as they are doing what they are supposed to do, and that is to grow.  It they aren’t growing they are dying.

Trees go through a lot of changes while they grow.  They have to endure the wind and the rain, they need sunlight, they have to lose their leaves, and put down their roots despite the hardness of the soil.  They have to lose bark, and grow new layers.  Growth for a tree can be serious work!

We aren’t really any different.  We have been designed to grow in whatever environment we have been placed in.  If we stop growing, and learning, that means that we are one step away from dying, perhaps spiritually and emotionally, if not physically.  Growing is what we have been made to do. 

Growth for us human beings can be tough though, just like it is for the tree.  It requires us to leave behind places, habits, and even people who may have been important to us at one time.  It means that sometimes there will be growing pains.  It means not being so hard on ourselves for our perceived ”imperfections,” and seeing them as opportunities for growth.

 Sometimes when you look at the rings on the tree you can see that some years had better and faster growth than others- we aren’t different.  There are times in which we will grow quickly, and other times when it doesn’t seem like we are growing at all.

 

It can hurt to grow, but if a tree doesn’t grow it can’t produce fruit because it is dead.  So our growth lets us be something greater than we are now potentially.  I know that I can look back on life and see events that weren’t pleasant, but helped to make me grow into the person I currently am.

So I guess that the word perfection is something of a misunderstood term- it is misunderstood what it means.  The word that we really should be talking about is progress.

In this life, I like to say, perfection equals progress.

Like the tree that is perfect when it does what it is supposed to, namely grow, so we are perfect only when we are growing.

When I think of that marathon last year, and the accomplishments I made in going from not running to running most of a half marathon I am astounded.  If all I focus on is that 7th mile that I had to walk, I am depressed.  Rather, I should look at that 7th mile as an opportunity to grow and become even better and faster- as something to reach for, just like a tree reaches for the sun!

Running on Treadmills

I am a wimp.

 It’s official.

It is something that I have to admit to myself, my family, and complete strangers on the interweb… I am a wimp.

I took up running about 11 months ago or so on a dare… a bet… a challenge?  Someone told me that it would be possible for me, Joshua Wagner, to run a half marathon- 13.2 miles.  I scoffed and I sconed.  Wait… a scone is a pastry.  I may have had one of those though when they told me, as a reaction to the scoffing.  I have scoffed with a scone, and I have sconed with a scoff.  What the heck am I talking about?

This lady is so sconed…. dude…

So I began to train- training was a great experience of my life because I found out that I am not physically incapable of running.  I hadn’t done that since my triumphal days of winning the 5th grade high jump competition in Mrs. Thomas’ gym class.  Sure it was tough at first putting one dainty foot in front of the other- ok my feet are anything but dainty, but you get the point.  I had to start training indoors though because of the affore mentioned wimpyness.

See, I hate the cold.  I was never a big fan of it, even growing up on a farm in the frozen tundra’s of Lima, Ohio.  The only good thing cold is good for is bringing snow and cancelling school.  That’s it.  Otherwise it just makes me downright irritable.  and cold.  It makes me cold.  Now that is not to say that I don’t like crisp- crisp is good…. I like being crispy in the fall when the wind is still, and you can wear a sweater.  I just like to avoid being cold.  Believe me, Phoenix, Arizona looks pretty good after about December 3rd.

I know Crackle!

So when I started training for the Marathon last year, I had to start training indoors because it was January- on treadmills.  That was alright because I never knew any better- previous to January of last year, the furthest I ran was when Pizza Hut began their all you can eat Pizza buffet.  I was customer number 3!

The nice thing about running on treadmills is that you can watch TV.  I watched a whole season of Thundercats, the greatest cartoon of the 1980′s on the treadmill.  It is always good to have someone to run with, and my running partner was often Lion-O, leader of the Thundercats.  Snarf. (Hey the spell check actually knows the word Snarf!  That’s just Smurfy!)

Talk about a motivating partner…

Then I got to go run on a track!  WOW what an experience.  It was like I was unfettered, unbridled, and free as a bird!  The track I ran on seemed like I had been able to wake up from a long nap, after a cup of Hybernol, and be liberated from the incessant hum of the treadmill track.

Plus I could watch other people work out and play in the gym that I was running at.  All was good with the world, and as April approached, so did the warm weather.

I began to run outside.  There is nothing better than running outside- especially in the city.   I prefer city running to forest running because there is always something new to see as you run in the city.  To me, trees begin to look alike after awhile when I am running and I get bored.  I would often run with my arms stretched out toward the heavens, and hum the theme from “Chariots of Fire.”

Now that it is getting cold again, and January is quickly approaching, it is time to start thinking about getting on a more rigorous training schedule again.  But that means running on treadmills again while it is cold, and that is tough.  After about 3 miles I just want to scream.  Sometimes I do, and it freaks people out in the gym.  (They asked me not to do that anymore.)

It made me realize that running is much more than just putting one foot in front of the other- it is a whole experience, body, mind and spirit.  I often saw running journals on the racks of news stands, and I couldn’t figure out how someone could publish a monthly magazine about something we do almost naturally.  Running was one of the best things to take up, because I believe it is more of a mental sport than a physical one.

All sports are like that though- heck, anything is like that.  The problem with treadmills isn’t that it is physically harder to run, but that it is mentally harder to run- you aren’t going anywhere it seems- that is hard to  take psychologically I imagine, and I believe that 3 miles on the treamill is always going to be harder than 10 miles outside.

One of the great lessons that running has taught me is that if you believe that you can do something, you will probably do it.  If you think you will fail, you will probably find some way to do it.  In some areas of our lives we need to re-tool the way that we think in order to achieve the good in our lives that we want.

When I run on treadmills I have to fool my mind by various tricks that I have learned.  I cover the time and the distance with a towel, I play inspiring music, I envision myself running outside… although I would never recommend running on treadmill with your eyes shut for more than about two seconds… yikes!

Running on cobblestone

So a few months ago I took up running in order to prepare for the Columbus Half Marathon which was April 14th of 2007.

 Turns out I hated running.

 I went ahead and ran anyway, starting off slowly, one mile at a time.  Then I added two miles and so until until the week of the half marathon.  The marathon itself was cold and somewhat rainy (although Marshall McPeek, our local weatherman and Dungeon and Dragon’s champ, was wrong about how cold and wet it was going to be.)  Despite that, it was one of the best things that I have ever done with my life.  I cant believe I ran, let alone 13 or so miles!

 Turns out I like running.

 So it is something that I have continued throughout these last few months.  I even ran and ran during my 30 days of silent retreat in Morristown New Jersey.  What a great way to get to know that delightful city.

 Now that I am back in Columbus I am running through her streets, and find that the cobblestones in some parts of the city are presenting a new challenge for me… they are certainly not the smooth sidewalks and paths that I am used to running in these past few months.  I have to watch and compensate with every step that I take while running, but it keeps me more aware and alert at every step too.  I am not an experienced runner but I am sure that running on cobblestones is probably not the best thing to do, but it is a great analogy for those times and parts of our life in which the path may not seem as smooth as we have been used to in the past.  During these times we have to think about every step, the big ones and the little ones, as well as looking ahead to see what might be in front of us.  It certainly presents a new and exciting challenge than we have had before!  Realistically though, whether running on smooth ground or cobblestones or mud or whatever, the way to the finishline, that is, whatever personal goal we are currently trying to achieve remains the same: one cautious step at a time.  Short term, easily attainable goals!  One step at a time!!!